I’ve been toying with actually posting something to this blank blog for some time now. You know how it is. The whole blocked writer thing.
I’ve had an impressive track record of success with self sabotage.
But I digress. I was telling you that this blog, even once it had been created, (and that was after months of existing only in my imagination) stared back at me for some time as nothing more than a blank page. A wordless would be blog.
Not just this blog either, but several other projects which were all motionless somewhere between brilliant idea & barest foundations.
Suddenly, one day, without warning, a shift. Epiphany.
Perhaps even, a life changing breakthrough.
A day where I did something . . different.
I stepped out of my cosy but still uncomfortable denial just long enough to ask myself exactly how many more days of my life did I plan to fritter away running my eternal all the reasons why not story to myself .
Foot poised, but, always finding an excuse to never quite take the step forward into the creative & life possibilities which await me. Sound familiar?
I was confronted with the fact that I could continue, change nothing, rest upon my excuse filled all the reasons why not story & confidently know that I would watch the rest of my life remain exactly the same, one day ticking into the next, ticking into the next, ticking into the next . . .
A slow death by procrastination.
A funny thing happened when I got honest with myself. I was confronted with the face of my self sabotage masking as writer’s block & procrastination, & I saw that it was in fact nothing but plain garden variety fear. Nothing special. Just fear of being known, seen, heard, visible, vulnerable, bared, authentic & accountable. Oh & I forgot. Lol. Fear of being successful.
The odd thing is that when I looked my fear in the face for what it was, it evaporated, for the larger part of me actually found all of the above. . . appealing.
My own take on it is that we step up when we are ready and in perfect timing. Whatever the project. Whatever the dream. I’ve just taken my sweet time to get here.
So, breaking out of the box & in the process of reinventing myself.
The blogging begins . . .